Top Ten Things Things I am Thinking Today

1. How many acorns does one tree make per year?
2. Do they sell replacements for those little plastic tips on your shoe laces?
3. Congress should donate their salaries back.
4. Wouldn't we all be happier if there was no tv news?
5. Why won't my nails grow longer?
6. What is the most common color of dairy cow?
7. Are you the master of your own destiny?
8. What happens to all the flushed goldfish?
9. Why were speeding train word problems even invented?
10. Why am I completely out of clever, funny things to say?

Probably too much cable news.....

Top Ten Things Things I am Thinking Today

1. Why are men so annoying?

2. What will happen to America if the Democrats win in November?

3. Does anyone drink Soy milk because they like it?

4. What would Christopher Colombus say about America today?

5. At the alphabet pasta plant, do they really have 26 tiny alphabet dies?

6. What really happens to the missing socks in the washer and drier?

7. I wonder how many pens are in my house right now?

8. How many bananas are sold everyday?

9. How many get made into banana bread everyday?

10. Who invented WD40?

Musings for a not very amusing Monday.

Top Ten Lesser Known Effects of Testosterone

1. It makes men's thumbs incessantly press the button on the remote control.


2. Causes their attention span to be that of a small rodent.


3. It enables them to completly tune out the vocal range of their wife.


4. It also prevents them from hearing their own offspring calling for them or asking for food or beverages.


5. It makes them unable to consider anyone else's opinion when making desicions.


6. Testosterone makes men able to sleep through crying and thunderstorms.


7. It also makes them incapable of having meaningful converstions past 9pm.


8. It makes them believe they look good in whatever they wear. I call it the 'lying mirror syndrome'; aka the 'shiny shorts syndrome'.


9. Testosterone makes men think they do no wrong.


10. It also gives them a false sense of intellectual superiority.


Be aware, ladies... so far there is no permanent way to counteract these effects...all you can do is watch out for them. Good Luck!!!

Top Ten Things Things I am Thinking Today

1. I have to stop watching the news...could it be more depressing?

2. How can I get my kids to eat one green food a day?

3. How come Spongebob doesn't have a girlfriend?

4. And how come his pineapple never rots?

5. Is it true that your nose never stops growing?

6. Kids like popcorn alot.

7. Maybe we should get a fish.

8. What am I going to make for dinner tonight? (i wonder this everyday!)

9. I wonder how many pairs of shoes I have?

10. Is Newt short for something? Newton? I guess if your last name is Gingrich you may as well embrace the Newt!

Have a happy, sunny, summer day!!

Top Ten Things Things I am Thinking Today

1. Mondays are good for a fresh start

2. Coffee is like crack for me at 7:30 am

3. Why can't the "What's for dinner" Fairy come to my house everyday and tell me what to make?

4. Why can't it be 74 degrees everyday?

5. Foamy soap dispensers should be less expensive then regular ones...there is a lot less soap and a lot more h2o

6. I wonder if Pita chips are cut from round pitas?

7. I wonder how many times a day someone calls my name?

8. Who is peeing on all the tomatoes?

9. How come I am so forgetful?

10. What the hell should I make for dinner? Blah!!!

Top Ten Things Real Moms Do When The Kids Go To The Grandparents House

We always have big plans for cleaning, organizing, and getting things done, but really girls...how about...

1. Take a nap...a long interrupted one.

2. Take a long shower...without prying eyes...think of all the things you could shave!

3. Lay around and watch your favorite chick flick...over and over and over...I like "French Kiss" for this.

4. Eat junk food without explaining or sharing.

5. Read a book with words with more than two syllables. No foxes or boxes.

6. Get frisky with the hubby...although, why didn't he go away too?

7. Go to the bathroom without an audience or interruption. Can you imagine?

8. Go shopping...that is hours of slow wandering around the craft store, ladies...when can you ever do that?

9. Take a nap...oh...did I say that already? Two would be good!

10. Go to lunch with the girls, have a great time and complain about the little ones the whole time...we all love them but everyone needs a brain break!!

Enjoy your summer day and hopefully carve out a few minutes of peace!

Top Ten Things I Never Eat

1. brussel sprouts ...evil vegetable spawn

2. liver ...ask me about a childhood xmas eve!

3. lamb ...too cute to eat!

4. canned tuna ...who could get past the smell!!

5. oysters ...why you would want to eat that slimy goo is beyond me!!!

6. pork rinds ...ok, there was that time I was doing atkins

7. sunny side up eggs ...runny, gooey and disgusting!

8. cauliflower ...not enough cheese sauce in the world!

9. bologna ...gross!

10. dill pickles ...i know this makes me unamerican but...yucko!!